i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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