I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize