Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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