i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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