I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
