im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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