on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
