he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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