I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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