five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Michael Bay diarrhea
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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