It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
