In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
