I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
