I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
