I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
