His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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