We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
