Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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