tell your sister to shave her snatch
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
