You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize