and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
