My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
