you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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