It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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