i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
