the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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