even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
