Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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