I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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