I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
