There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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