i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
