Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
