There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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