It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sobbing to NWA
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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