I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
