dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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