trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Randomize
