So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
