grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
