I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have post one night stand depression
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize