Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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