I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
