Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have post one night stand depression
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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