Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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