I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
