I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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