I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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