I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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