Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
