sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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