My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
