Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
