Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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