He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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