I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Let's get the cat blown out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
