If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
