3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
