Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
