Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
