apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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