It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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