I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
