he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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