You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
