I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
