All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
