yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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