took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
