Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who died my cat blue again?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize