Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
