Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
