I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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