What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
