I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize