if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They took my balls.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
