He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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