why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
