I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
