im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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