wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
