I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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