I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
