oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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