so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would fuck him just for his dog
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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