hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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