what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
