Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
