i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
