Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
