i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
