i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
