I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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