I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
