I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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