Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize