you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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