dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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