Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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